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          Don't You Think It's About Time...

It was a fine warm sunny day.   I had just finished eating lunch at my favorite diner and walked out into the parking lot and got into my car.   As I was backing out of my parking space I noticed a large seagull about 25 feet away eating something off of the hot asphalt.  

The white seagull with folded gray wings was having quite a time.   It craned its neck, repeatedly stretching upwards in an attempt to get whatever it was down its gullet.   But no matter how hard it struggled there was still about an inch or two hanging down from its yellow red-tipped beak.   Finally the seagull gave up, lowered its head, and began to awkwardly regurgitate a lengthy rubbery mass.   After a brief struggle, it slid out to the ground with a plop.

But this bird was a persistent scavenger.   So, back at it again with renewed vigor, the seagull grasped this thick whitish twisted ribbon in its beak and began to swallow it whole.   Gagging while taking it down inch by inch, the seagull scooted backwards on orange webbed feet while the free end dragged along the ground.

Failure once again.   Plop.   The seagull eyed me as if to say, "Well, what are you looking at, fool?"   What I was looking at was a stupid seagull trying to eat a filthy completely unraveled surprisingly long fat latex condom.   I started to feel a reflexive gag coming on from just watching.   I didn't want to see a seagull commit suicide in such a disgusting manner so I pulled out of the parking lot.   As I drove away I could see the seagull was once again attempting to gobble down that condom.

So a short while later I'm in a store buying milk.   I ask for a plastic bag.   "Sorry.   The city of Long Beach has banned plastic bags," I'm told.   "Okay.   I'll take a paper bag, please."   "That'll be ten cents."   I told the clerk to just forget it.

More and more California cities are banning plastic bags.   Environmentalists say plastic bags end up in landfills, add to the litter in parks and on beaches, and are ingested by fish and whales.

Don't you think it's about time that California cities ban condoms, too?   If you would have seen that poor hapless helpless seagull nearly killing itself ingesting that condom you'd understand the wisdom of such a policy.   No one would ever want another bird or fish or dolphin or whale choking on or ingesting a condom.   Surely, at the least, a condom cleanup tax or recyling fee must be considered immediately.

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Latest page update: 14 Feb '12
Page first published: 14 Feb '12